Es neesmu p\u0101r\u0101k liels r\u0113\u0137in\u0101t\u0101js, bet pieci gadi ir pietiekami ilgs laiks, lai nedaudz apdom\u0101tos. 2018. gada janv\u0101r\u012b es beidzot pietiekami nogurstu no noguruma un depresijas, lai es sajutu, ka j\u0101dod dzer\u0161anai atp\u016bta, vispirms uz ned\u0113\u013cu, p\u0113c tam uz m\u0113nesi un tad uz nenoteiktu laiku, kura laik\u0101 \"es nedzeru tie\u0161i tagad\" turpin\u0101j\u0101s l\u012bdz pat \u0161im br\u012bdim.\n<\/p>\n
K\u0101 es jau rakst\u012bju iepriek\u0161, tas nav t\u0101, ka es atmest 100% un nav bijis piliens kop\u0161. Es nekad neesmu bijis t\u0101ds, kas ap sevi novelk tik stingras robe\u017eas, un man ar\u012b nebija saj\u016btas, ka ir nepiecie\u0161ama piln\u012bga attur\u012bba. Es atmetu devi\u0146desmit devi\u0146us procentus, tad devi\u0146desmit un pavisam nesen - simtprocent\u012bgi, lai gan pie t\u0101 joproj\u0101m ir zvaigzn\u012bte, jo laiku pa laikam es k\u0101 digest\u012bvu iedzeru nelielu \u0161\u0146abi\u0146u Angostura bitters, kas, izr\u0101d\u0101s, nav piln\u012bgi nedzird\u0113ts veids, k\u0101 izbaud\u012bt \u0161o man tik \u013coti iem\u012b\u013coto it\u0101\u013cu amari br\u0101l\u0113nu.\n<\/p>\n
K\u0101 vienm\u0113r, es eju savu ce\u013cu.\n<\/p>\n
J\u016bs var\u0113tu jaut\u0101t: \"Kas ir viegl\u0101k? \", bet \" kas \" tas b\u016btu - nulle vai ... cik tie\u0161i? Paties\u012bb\u0101 runa nav par to, vai man tas ir Sober vai Sober*, jo es piekr\u012btu visiem, s\u0101kot no Stantona P\u012bla l\u012bdz Adim D\u017eafem, ka, t\u0101 k\u0101 viela nav c\u0113lonis, attur\u012bba nav z\u0101les, bet taj\u0101 pa\u0161\u0101 laik\u0101 no savas pieredzes zinu, ka esmu nost\u0101jies br\u012bv\u012bbas pus\u0113, kad man nav j\u0101izv\u0113las, pret br\u012bv\u012bbu, kad man nav j\u0101izv\u0113las, un br\u012bv\u012bbu, kad es varu izv\u0113l\u0113ties jebkur\u0101 konkr\u0113t\u0101 br\u012bd\u012b. Pagaid\u0101m es noteikti varu teikt, ka es nedzeru, jo nedzeru... lai gan es paturu ties\u012bbas ar\u012b turpm\u0101k izvair\u012bties no uztic\u012bbas k\u0101diem citiem noteikumiem un regul\u0101m.\n<\/p>\n
Pirms es p\u0101rtraucu dzert, es nemaz neidentific\u0113jos ar ideju par atkar\u012bbu, kas man tika p\u0101rdota k\u0101 kaut kas t\u0101ds, kam ir pak\u013cauti tikai da\u017ei cilv\u0113ki ar \"atkar\u012bbu izraiso\u0161u person\u012bbu\", un k\u0101 kaut kas, kam ir pak\u013cauti tikai da\u017ei cilv\u0113ki ar \"atkar\u012bbu izraiso\u0161u person\u012bbu\".\n<\/p>\n
Kop\u0161 t\u0101 laika esmu sapratis, ka atkar\u012bba dr\u012bz\u0101k ir uzved\u012bbas modelis, kam m\u0113s visi esam uz\u0146\u0113m\u012bgi, pie\u0137er\u0161an\u0101s kaut kam, kas k\u013c\u016bst par pa\u0161m\u0113r\u0137i, kait\u0113jot galvenajam dz\u012bves virzienam, un t\u0101d\u0113j\u0101di k\u013c\u016bst par atkar\u012bbu, un ka \u0161\u012b pie\u0137er\u0161an\u0101s att\u012bst\u0101s k\u0101 kompens\u0101cija par k\u0101du agr\u012bnu traumu vai citu tr\u016bkumu - visbie\u017e\u0101k par saiknes tr\u016bkumu.\n<\/p>\n
\u0160aj\u0101 gaism\u0101 atkar\u012bba man ir \u013coti j\u0113gpilna, jo t\u0101 ir veids, k\u0101 aprakst\u012bt daudzus manas dz\u012bves mode\u013cus. K\u0101 debesu \u0137erme\u0146i Apgaism\u012bba un Aizmir\u0161ana atrodas cie\u0161\u0101 savstarp\u0113j\u0101 orb\u012bt\u0101, tikpat tuvu k\u0101 B\u0113g\u0161ana un Br\u012bv\u012bba, kas ar\u012b bie\u017ei vien \u0161\u0137iet tie\u0161i tas pats. Es v\u0113l\u0113jos br\u012bv\u012bbu. Es grib\u0113ju aizb\u0113gt. Es grib\u0113ju abas! ... un es dom\u0101ju, ka tas ir viens un tas pats. Es nebiju tik izmis\u012bgi v\u0113l\u0113jies izb\u0113gt no kaut k\u0101 vair\u0101k k\u0101 no vid\u0113j\u0101s 80. gadu vidus\u0161\u0137iras pils\u0113tas vidusskolas \u013coti mazas emocion\u0101l\u0101s traumas, bet ir da\u013cas, kas bija pietiekami s\u016bcas, lai es censtos izk\u013c\u016bt no m\u0101jas, izk\u013c\u016bt no skolas, izk\u013c\u016bt no Sanfrancisko, izk\u013c\u016bt no darba, izk\u013c\u016bt no garlaic\u012bbas, vil\u0161an\u0101s, vientul\u012bbas - cen\u0161oties izk\u013c\u016bt no ierast\u0101, no t\u0101, ka neesmu k\u0101 visi p\u0101r\u0113jie, \u0101rpus noteikumiem, \u0101rpus rind\u0101m - noteikti, skaidri, nep\u0101rprotami, nep\u0101rprotami vair\u0101k \u0101r\u0101 un prom nek\u0101 iek\u0161\u0101, cik ilgi vien sevi atceros. Nav br\u012bnums, ka izk\u013c\u016b\u0161ana no pr\u0101ta \u0161\u0137ita tik pievilc\u012bga.\n<\/p>\n
Lai ar\u012b no k\u0101 es grib\u0113ju aizb\u0113gt, galvenais rezult\u0101ts, mekl\u0113jot \u0161o gl\u0101bi\u0146u \u0101rpus sevis, bija neizb\u0113gama un gal\u012bga atzi\u0146a, ka, protams, \u0161ie mekl\u0113jumi b\u016bs bezrezultat\u012bvi - un tom\u0113r, k\u0101 gan cit\u0101di aizb\u0113gt? Ar\u012b paties\u012bba bija kaut kas t\u0101ds, kas man tr\u016bka, un t\u0101p\u0113c, nezinot t\u0101s formu, es bie\u017ei vien m\u0113dzu doties pret\u0113j\u0101 virzien\u0101 ar\u012b no t\u0101s. Es nevar\u0113ju paciest domu, ka j\u0101iet cauri tam, kas mani uztrauca, it \u012bpa\u0161i pa\u0161am - kas, protams, paties\u012bb\u0101 ir vien\u012bgais iesp\u0113jamais ce\u013c\u0161, kas paties\u012bb\u0101 ved uz priek\u0161u, nevis atpaka\u013c, lai atkal brauktu pa to pa\u0161u ap\u013cveida trasi -, un t\u0101p\u0113c izv\u0113l\u0113jos r\u012bkoties ar bezdarb\u012bbu. Es teiktu, ka tas nav t\u0101, it k\u0101 es apzin\u0101ti izv\u0113l\u0113tos status quo, bet paties\u012bb\u0101 es tie\u0161i to ar\u012b dar\u012bju. Bija daudz rei\u017eu, kad es skat\u012bjos uz ce\u013cu un redz\u0113ju turpat migl\u0101 paties\u012bbu, un tad es vienk\u0101r\u0161i pakrat\u012bju galvu, ietinos m\u0113tel\u012b un pagriezos pa to ce\u013cu, pa kuru atn\u0101cu.\n<\/p>\n
Un t\u0101 m\u0113s non\u0101kam pie visu \u0161o m\u0113\u0123in\u0101jumu izk\u013c\u016bt prom rezult\u0101ta. Pats da\u013c\u0113ji sagremotais izejmateri\u0101ls, fakts, ka es patie\u0161\u0101m izvair\u012bjos no kaut k\u0101 liel\u0101ka, un l\u0113n\u0101m grimsto\u0161\u0101 atzi\u0146a, ka b\u0113g\u0161ana nav \u012bsti iesp\u0113jama, nemaz nerun\u0101jot par nep\u0101rtrauktas alkohola pl\u016bsmas neiro\u0137\u012bmisko ietekmi, - tas viss man\u012b, t\u0101pat k\u0101 daudziem citiem, izpaud\u0101s k\u0101 tas, ko m\u0113dz saukt par \"depresiju\". \" V\u0113l viens uzved\u012bbas modelis, v\u0113l viena rieva noguru\u0161aj\u0101 pr\u0101t\u0101, protests, pazi\u0146ojums, kas ir kaut kas l\u012bdz\u012bgs \"Es t\u0101 nevaru dz\u012bvot\". Un t\u0101, ja ne \"t\u0101\", tad \"es nevaru dz\u012bvot\", kas paties\u012bb\u0101 to labi izsaka, jo depresija ir da\u013c\u0113ja psihes n\u0101ve, izmis\u012bgas un \u013coti asas atk\u0101p\u0161an\u0101s no realit\u0101tes, kas \u0161\u0137iet nepanesama, rezult\u0101ts.\n<\/p>\n
P\u0113d\u0113j\u0101 laik\u0101 man k\u013c\u016bst arvien skaidr\u0101ks tas, ka, lai gan tagad es daru visu, kas manos sp\u0113kos, katru r\u012btu vingroju, katru dienu rakstu, dz\u012bvoju patiesi t\u012bri un vienk\u0101r\u0161i, es joproj\u0101m esmu pak\u013cauts depresijas periodiem, kas \u0161aj\u0101s dien\u0101s izpau\u017eas ne tik daudz k\u0101 b\u0113d\u012bgi melns m\u0101konis, bet gan k\u0101 pel\u0113ks paisums, kas pace\u013cas no apak\u0161as l\u012bdz pat augst\u0101kajam \u016bdens l\u012bmenim - un tad v\u0113l t\u0101l\u0101k, k\u0101 l\u0113ns, v\u0101j\u0161 un \u013cauns cunami, kas visu appludina zem\u0101 s\u0101ls sasm\u0113r\u0113tu flotu, nez\u0101\u013cu un naftas p\u0113du purv\u0101, pietiekami augstu, lai iepl\u016bstu manos z\u0101bakos un liktu man tur st\u0101v\u0113t, bail\u012bgi skatoties uz sauli.\n<\/p>\n
Vai ar\u012b varat vienk\u0101r\u0161i iedom\u0101ties, ka staig\u0101jat slapj\u0101s ze\u0137\u0113s.\n<\/p>\n
Mana reakcija uz to \u0161aj\u0101s dien\u0101s, iz\u0146emot to, ka daru visu iesp\u0113jamo, lai att\u0101lin\u0101tu un nov\u0113rotu sevi \u0161aj\u0101 br\u012bd\u012b, un atg\u0101dinu sev, ka es neesmu \"nom\u0101kts\", bet ka es esmu nom\u0101kts - un es varu to dar\u012bt, es varu pagriezt ciparn\u012bcu, es varu redz\u0113t sevi uz ekr\u0101na, un tas pal\u012bdz - ir tas, ka tas liek man dusmoties. T\u0101 vec\u0101, p\u0101r\u0101k labi paz\u012bstam\u0101 un joproj\u0101m tik \u013coti izmisuma piln\u0101 saj\u016bta rodas, un, velni\u0161\u0137\u012bgi, tagad es tai skat\u012b\u0161os ac\u012bs, un, kad es to daru, es esmu fucking pissed.\n<\/p>\n
Nesen es skat\u012bjos interviju ar ultral\u0113c\u0113ju \u010c\u0101rliju Englu, un puisis, kur\u0161 uzdeva jaut\u0101jumus - un kur\u0161, izr\u0101d\u0101s, ir Deipaks \u010copra - teica kaut ko \u013coti m\u012b\u013cu, proti, ka \"dusmas ir traumas atmi\u0146as. \" Tagad es dom\u0101ju, ka dusmas var b\u016bt ar\u012b citas lietas (piem\u0113ram, vardarb\u012bgs \"n\u0113\", kas izstumj traumu), bet \u0161\u0101da veida nepat\u012bkama atmi\u0146a man raksturo daudz ko no t\u0101. Es ''esmu dusm\u012bgs, jo z\u0113ns, kur\u0161 s\u0101ka dzert desmit gadu vecum\u0101, joproj\u0101m ir da\u013ca no manis. Es ''esmu dusm\u012bgs, jo tas jaunais v\u012brietis, kur\u0161 divdesmit un tr\u012bsdesmit gados bija arvien vair\u0101k nom\u0101kts un vientu\u013c\u0161, joproj\u0101m ir da\u013ca no manis. Es esmu dusm\u012bgs, jo nezin\u0101ju, ka mana ne tik katastrof\u0101la dzer\u0161ana un m\u0113rena, tom\u0113r hroniska depresija ir tik cie\u0161i saist\u012btas, un es esmu dusm\u012bgs, jo viss tas laiks, ko pavad\u012bju \u0161aj\u0101 vecaj\u0101 skumjaj\u0101 cikl\u0101, man \u0161\u0137iet iz\u0161\u0137\u0113rd\u012bgs un kauns - un ar\u012b diezgan garlaic\u012bgs, kas ar\u012b liek man dusmoties. Es esmu dusm\u012bga, jo \u0161\u012bs mu\u013c\u0137\u012bbas man joproj\u0101m rodas, un patie\u0161\u0101m, vai tas viss tie\u0161\u0101m bija vajadz\u012bgs? Es esmu no t\u0101 noguris, un jo vair\u0101k tas par\u0101d\u0101s, jo vair\u0101k man gribas vemt.\n<\/p>\n
Man \u0161\u0137iet, ka starp dusm\u0101m, atkar\u012bbu un depresiju past\u0101v tr\u012bsst\u016brveida attiec\u012bbas, kur dusmas ir atmi\u0146as vai reakcija uz kaut ko sliktu, teiksim t\u0101, un tad atkar\u012bba ir p\u0101r\u0101k bie\u017ea kompens\u0113jo\u0161a reakcija, un visbeidzot depresija ir gan atkar\u012bbas (kas pati par sevi ir atk\u0101p\u0161an\u0101s veids), gan \"dusmu, kas v\u0113rstas uz iek\u0161u\", k\u0101 to da\u017ek\u0101rt apraksta, rezult\u0101ts - un tam visam seko v\u0113l vair\u0101k dusmu.\n<\/p>\n
Tas ir labi. Man vajadz\u0113tu dusmoties. Nav t\u0101, ka es cen\u0161os padar\u012bt to par kaut ko vair\u0101k, nek\u0101 tas ir vai bija, un nav t\u0101, ka tas par\u0101d\u012bj\u0101s tikai tagad, bet man ir ilgs ieradums nenov\u0113rt\u0113t to, kas man s\u0101k\u0101s k\u0101 jaun\u012bbas p\u0101rm\u0113r\u012bba, bet p\u0113c tam turpin\u0101j\u0101s k\u0101 kaut kas daudz posto\u0161\u0101ks, k\u0101 ar\u012b nepietiekami nov\u0113rt\u0113t savu aizvainojumu pret vec\u0101kiem par to, ka vi\u0146i ir piedal\u012bju\u0161ies taj\u0101, cik daudz es cietu. Es zinu, mums visiem ir saboj\u0101tas \u0123imenes, un, protams, es esmu pieaugusi persona un uz\u0146emos atbild\u012bbu par savas dz\u012bves gaitu. Paties\u012bb\u0101 \u0161\u0137iet diezgan smiekl\u012bgi \u0161obr\u012bd visp\u0101r run\u0101t par saviem vec\u0101kiem - un tom\u0113r t\u0101 joproj\u0101m ir taisn\u012bba, ka da\u017ereiz, pat tagad, es joproj\u0101m esmu vienk\u0101r\u0161i dusm\u012bga, nevis par to, ko vi\u0146i izdar\u012bja, bet par to, ko vi\u0146i nedar\u012bja.\n<\/p>\n
Ja viens no veidiem, k\u0101 dom\u0101t par depresiju, ir dom\u0101t par to, ka t\u0101 ir nelaim\u012bgs rezult\u0101ts dusm\u0101m, kas v\u0113rstas uz sevi, tad varb\u016bt produkt\u012bv\u0101ks ir pret\u0113jais variants - dusmas k\u0101 depresijas rezult\u0101ts. Jebkur\u0101 gad\u012bjum\u0101 \u0161\u012bs dusmas ir dzi\u013ci iegrav\u0113tas man\u012b, un, lai ar\u012b man nepat\u012bk to gar\u0161a mut\u0113, es \u012bsti nev\u0113los no t\u0101m atteikties. Man \u0161\u0137iet, ka ir pareizi dusmoties. Ja j\u016bs man jaut\u0101siet, k\u0101p\u0113c man nav savu b\u0113rnu, tad da\u013ca no iemesliem ir dusmas un aizvainojums. Es neesmu trausls, bet mana nervu sist\u0113ma t\u0101da ir. Es esmu jut\u012bga pret trauc\u0113jumiem. Liel\u0101kajai da\u013cai su\u0146u man ir p\u0101r\u0101k daudz ener\u0123ijas. B\u0113rni? Vai j\u016bs jokojat?\n<\/p>\n
Man dusmas ir visvair\u0101k neizmantot\u0101s emocijas. Es tur\u0113jos no t\u0101 t\u0101l\u0101k, jo mana m\u0101sa bija tik nikni dusm\u012bga par I ' m-still-not-sure-precisely-what, ka es devos pret\u0113j\u0101 virzien\u0101, cik vien t\u0101lu un cik \u0101tri vien iesp\u0113jams. Es negrib\u0113ju b\u016bt l\u012bdz\u012bga vi\u0146ai. Es ar\u012b mazin\u0101ju un izlaidu savas dusmas, jo es neesmu cietusi no nek\u0101das \"liel\u0101s T\" traumas, tikai no divu dr\u012bzum\u0101 \u0161\u0137irtu jaunu profesion\u0101\u013cu nev\u0113r\u012bgas audzin\u0101\u0161anas, un es negrib\u0113ju p\u0101r\u0101k daudz izcelt tik mazus kartupe\u013cus. V\u0113l viens iemesls ir tas, ka dusmas m\u0113dz b\u016bt negl\u012btas, un es k\u0101 v\u012brietis nev\u0113los b\u016bt dusm\u012bgs v\u012brietis, nedz ar\u012b gribu b\u016bt k\u0101 citi dusm\u012bgi v\u012brie\u0161i - un liel\u0101k\u0101 da\u013ca no mums, neatkar\u012bgi no dzimuma, \u013coti maz praktiz\u0113jas dusmu iemieso\u0161an\u0101 vai izpau\u0161an\u0101 t\u0101d\u0101 veid\u0101, kas b\u016btu pozit\u012bvs, nemaz nerun\u0101jot par interesantu.\n<\/p>\n
Lai gan mums vajadz\u0113tu!\n<\/p>\n
Lieki piebilst, ka p\u0113c visiem \u0161iem gadiem \u0161ie kartupe\u013ci joproj\u0101m atrodas tepat pann\u0101. Ne neizp\u0113t\u012bti, ne neterapiz\u0113ti, pat ne zin\u0101m\u0101 m\u0113r\u0101 pat\u0113r\u0113ti, sagremoti, izvad\u012bti un al\u0137\u012bmiz\u0113ti, bet ar\u012b joproj\u0101m atrodas tie\u0161i \u0160EIT. Fakts ir t\u0101ds, ka es esmu (joproj\u0101m) dusm\u012bgs, un man ir labi, ka es varu to pie\u013caut un \u013caut tam b\u016bt da\u013cai no manis. Es labpr\u0101t teiktu, ka esmu piedevusi visu un visiem, jo, es zinu, es zinu, ka tas ir vien\u012bgais ce\u013c\u0161 uz iek\u0161\u0113jo mieru... bet ziniet ko? j\u0101kaut. Man ir apnicis minimiz\u0113t to, cik \u013coti man viss bija sagrauts un cik \u013coti es, j\u0101, piln\u012bb\u0101 vaino\u0161u savus vec\u0101kus par to, cik idiotiski neapzin\u012bgi vi\u0146i bija, un cik daudz gadu, sir\u017eu un dol\u0101ru tas man maks\u0101ja pa ce\u013cam. Es agri tiku ievainots, un es nedom\u0101ju, ka mani ievainoja mani vec\u0101ki - un es zinu, es nevaru zin\u0101t un nezinu, k\u0101dus ievainojumus un gr\u016bt\u012bbas vi\u0146i pa\u0161i cieta, - bet tom\u0113r vi\u0146i \u013c\u0101va tam notikt. Es zinu, ka tas nav skaisti, bet fakts ir t\u0101ds, ka \u0161\u012bs dusmas joproj\u0101m ietekm\u0113 manas j\u016btas pret vi\u0146iem un ka man nepat\u012bk pavad\u012bt daudz laika kop\u0101 ar vi\u0146iem, pat tad, kad vi\u0146i k\u013c\u016bst veci, m\u012bksti, aizm\u0101r\u0161\u012bgi un vajadz\u012bgi. Es negribu par vi\u0146iem r\u016bp\u0113ties. Vi\u0146i ner\u016bp\u0113j\u0101s par mani.\n<\/p>\n
S\u016bdi bija \u012bsti, s\u016bdi! Tagad es ar\u012b esmu izdar\u012bjis da\u017eus sliktus darbus - un vai es ceru, ka man tiks piln\u012bb\u0101 piedots? T\u0101 ir jauka ideja, bet, protams, n\u0113. Es zinu, ka neesmu, un varb\u016bt tas galu gal\u0101 nemaz nav tik piln\u012bgi nepiecie\u0161ams. Ko dar\u012bt, ja sl\u0113g\u0161ana ir m\u012bts? Teiksim, ka t\u0101 noteikti var\u0113tu b\u016bt. Dusmas nav glu\u017ei pat\u012bkamas - un es nem\u0113\u0123inu t\u0101s uztur\u0113t dz\u012bv\u012bbas uztur\u0113\u0161anas re\u017e\u012bm\u0101, lai t\u0101s var\u0113tu tur\u0113ties ilg\u0101k, nek\u0101 tas ir lietder\u012bgi, - bet man dusmas \u0161obr\u012bd ir vajadz\u012bgas.\n<\/p>\n
Daudzi cilv\u0113ki iesaka uzrakst\u012bt \u0161\u0101das lietas uz neliela pap\u012bra gabali\u0146a un p\u0113c tam \u013caut tam sadegt. Ja nu kas, tad tagad man \u0161\u012b degviela ir vajadz\u012bga vair\u0101k nek\u0101 jebkad agr\u0101k. Es izmantoju \u0161o ener\u0123iju vai ar\u012b velni\u0161\u0137\u012bgi cen\u0161os to izmantot, ieguldot to darb\u0101, ko daru. Ne dusm\u0101s vai no dusm\u0101m, bet ar to aiz muguras un k\u0101 da\u013cu no manis, virzot mani uz priek\u0161u un dzi\u013c\u0101k.\n<\/p>\n
K\u0101ds tam visam ir sakars ar att\u012br\u012b\u0161anos no alkohola? Nu, dr\u0101ga, da\u017ereiz \u0161is dusm\u012bgais dz\u0113r\u0101js nev\u0113las neko vair\u0101k, k\u0101 sa\u0146emt labu, stingru karstumu. Lai gan vairums citu apgalvoto ieguvumu ir iedom\u0101ti, dzer\u0161anai ir faktisks ieguvums, ka vismaz uz br\u012bdi aizmirst\u012bba ir re\u0101la. \u0160obr\u012bd esmu pietiekami labi iepazinies ar sevi un atkar\u012bbu mode\u013cu dabu, lai b\u016btu p\u0101rliecin\u0101ts, ka k\u0101rt\u012bga siksna vai tr\u012bs meskala mani no m\u012btisk\u0101 vagoni\u0146a neizsit\u012bs - un tom\u0113r \u0161obr\u012bd es labpr\u0101t\u0101k \u0161o konkr\u0113to v\u0113lmi neapmierin\u0101tu tie\u0161i \u0161\u0101d\u0101 veid\u0101. Pirmk\u0101rt, es vairs negribu tik daudz aizmirst. Vai ar\u012b es labpr\u0101t grib\u0113tu uz karstu br\u012bdi, bet es labpr\u0101t\u0101k grib\u0113tu, lai man izdodas tur nok\u013c\u016bt ar sav\u0101m mahin\u0101cij\u0101m. Rodas v\u0113lme, un, k\u0101 esmu iem\u0101c\u012bjies, t\u0101 nav ne tik daudz v\u0113lme dzert, cik v\u0113lme aizb\u0113gt, v\u0113lme remd\u0113t \u0161o veco, paz\u012bstamo izmisuma saj\u016btu. Tieksme p\u0113c atvieglojuma.\n<\/p>\n
Es joproj\u0101m ilgojos p\u0113c \u0161\u012b atvieglojuma, bet es ar\u012b v\u0113los b\u016bt blakus, lai dzird\u0113tu \u0161o st\u0101stu, lai cik dusm\u012bgs tas ar\u012b neb\u016btu.\n<\/p>\n
Es rakstu memu\u0101rus, kuros viss \u0161is materi\u0101ls ir apl\u016bkots daudz detaliz\u0113t\u0101k. Esmu jau public\u0113jis vair\u0101kas noda\u013cas \u0161eit, Substack, un pirm\u0101 no t\u0101m ir tie\u0161i \u0161eit.\n<\/p>\n
J\u016bs var\u0113tu interes\u0113t ar\u012b da\u017ei no maniem citiem rakstiem par alkoholu, jo \u012bpa\u0161i \u0161ie divi iepriek\u0161\u0113jie darbi Sirds mai\u0146a un Piecu min\u016b\u0161u m\u012blas d\u0113ka ar dab\u012bgo v\u012bnu.\n<\/p>\n
A shout-out kol\u0113\u0123im rakstniekam un Substacker\n<\/p>\n
par to, ka pag\u0101ju\u0161aj\u0101 vasar\u0101 tika uzs\u0101kts \"Viens gads bez alus\", k\u0101 ar\u012b lai\n<\/p>\n
kura pamudin\u0101jums par dusm\u0101m pamudin\u0101ja mani pabeigt \u0161o darbu \u0161aj\u0101 ned\u0113\u013cas nogal\u0113.\n<\/p>\n
Es iesaku ar\u012b \u0161\u012bs lielisk\u0101s gr\u0101matas par alkoholu un atkar\u012bbu:\n<\/p>\n
Annie Grace, This Naked Mind - mana m\u012b\u013c\u0101k\u0101 gr\u0101mata par to, k\u0101 main\u012bt savas attiec\u012bbas ar alkoholu.\n<\/p>\n
Maia Szalavitz, Nesalauztie smadzenes\n<\/p>\n
Stantons P\u012bls, M\u012blest\u012bba un atkar\u012bba\n<\/p>\n
Adi Jaffe, M\u012bts par attur\u012bbu\n<\/p>\n
David Poses, Gaisa svars: St\u0101sts par meliem par atkar\u012bbu un paties\u012bbu par atvese\u013co\u0161anos.\n<\/p>\n
, Iziet k\u0101 sieviete: Radik\u0101la izv\u0113le nedzert alkohola aps\u0113st\u0101 kult\u016br\u0101.\n<\/p>\n
Charles Bukowski, \u0161\u0137i\u0146\u0137is rudzos\n<\/p>\n
\u010c\u0101rlijs Engle, Running Man\n<\/p>\n
Amy Dresner, Mans god\u012bgs junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean (\"Memu\u0101ri par to, k\u0101 k\u013c\u016bt net\u012bram un palikt t\u012bram\")\n<\/p>\n
Leslie Jamison, Atg\u016b\u0161an\u0101s: D\u017eonsija, D\u017eonsija: \"Intoksik\u0101cija un t\u0101s sekas\".\n<\/p>\n
Carl Erik Fisher, The Urge: M\u016bsu atkar\u012bbas v\u0113sture\n<\/p>\n
Johans Hari, Zaud\u0113tie savienojumi\n<\/p>\n
Caroline Knapp, Alkohols, m\u012blas st\u0101sts\n<\/p>\n
Mary Carr, Lit\n<\/p>\n
Marc Lewis, V\u0113lmes biolo\u0123ija: k\u0101p\u0113c atkar\u012bba nav slim\u012bba\n<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Es neesmu p\u0101r\u0101k liels r\u0113\u0137in\u0101t\u0101js, bet pieci gadi ir pietiekami ilgs laiks, lai nedaudz apdom\u0101tos. 2018. gada janv\u0101r\u012b es beidzot pietiekami nogurstu no noguruma un depresijas, lai es sajutu, ka j\u0101dod dzer\u0161anai atp\u016bta, vispirms uz ned\u0113\u013cu, p\u0113c tam uz m\u0113nesi un tad uz nenoteiktu laiku, kura laik\u0101 \"es nedzeru tie\u0161i tagad\" turpin\u0101j\u0101s l\u012bdz pat \u0161im […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[96],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-51987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","","category-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=51987"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51987\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=51987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=51987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/forbaby.blog\/lv\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=51987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}